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The RED Scout
03 August 2020 @ 11:07 am
Still gotta set this crap up (this thing is more confusing than one of Engie's freakin' dispenser blueprints). In the meantime, gimme a ring-a-ding-ding. You might not get through 'cause of all of the sexy ladies that are callin' me every day and tyin' up my team's only landline... but hey, ain't no harm in tryin'.

[Comment below to gab with the RED Scout.]
The RED Scout
02 August 2020 @ 03:57 pm

No no no, not that kinda crit, dumbass!

Feel free to post in the comments section with any comments or questions about how I'm playing Scout. Constructive criticism is always welcome, and helps me out a lot!
The RED Scout
22 May 2012 @ 05:27 pm
Holy hell, wow, it's been a while since I made one of these logs, hasn't it?

Anyway, nothin' to report except that everyone around here's a jerk except for me and maybe Demo. What else is new around this joint?

I guess if somethin' else comes up- like, if I actually battle or somethin' like that- I'll probably just add it to this thing here. 'Cause there really ain't much else to say.
The RED Scout
04 March 2012 @ 05:25 pm
Well, I'd just like to take one second to let a certain WOMAN who REJECTED PERFECTION know that I've found a new girl. That's right. Get jealous, sweetheart. I got a new dame in my life, now. And she's heaps better lookin' than you. Nicer, too. Well, okay, not nicer, but nice enough.

Anyway. I wanna tell you losers on my team somethin'... well, okay, some of you aren't losers, but the ones who are, you're the ones I wanna talk to. There's only two of you who're good in my book. Well, since Soldier seems to be MIA or whatever, an' none of the rest of any of you are gonna even try to do something like this, I wanna have a meeting. An actual bonafide meeting so we can all talk about how the hell we're gonna cream the BLUs. Sure, we've been winning, but look at how we've been doin' it: we got no sense of teamwork or nothin'. And I hate at least half of you. I figure we should talk about strategy or how not to piss each other off for once so we can get shit done quicker out there on the field. And don't start none of this talk like, "Oh, Scout, you don't do shit," or "Your aim is shit," or "You smell like shit," 'cause if we actually make a freakin' plan for the next time we battle, then no one can say anyone's shit, alright?

Let's actually, like... be a team and stuff.
The RED Scout
06 February 2012 @ 08:47 pm



Except maybe Demo. Speaking of him, I'm gonna get off this stupid ass computer and find him. And we're going to have an AWESOME time gettin' drunk and picking up chicks and none of you can join us 'cause you all forgot my birthday and you're a bunch of dicks.

And before you say anythin', Medic, you gave me money after I told you it was my birthday. I'm still taking the money but, still, you didn't remember. So... you suck.
The RED Scout
25 January 2012 @ 08:25 pm
My birthday's in two weeks, guys. Just sayin'. So you better get me something awesome. Here's a suggestion: strippers. AND NOT GUY STRIPPERS. Because I'm sure one or all of you jackasses would say that or probably want that (at least the BLU team would probably want that). Ugh.

I don't got nothing else to say, to be honest. Now that I mentioned strippers that's all I can think of. Hah.

I'll be in my bunk room.
The RED Scout
11 December 2011 @ 02:09 pm
Man, I'm gonna go bonkers if we don't battle again soon. I'm so pissed off! Why d'ya do this to us, Administrator? It can't be that hard to find some other chumps who wanna fight this war and all. Geez.

Also, okay, so... I gotta get some stuff offa my chest. There's this chick, see? Real hot and all, wicked gorgeous. Nice legs. Nice rack. All that stuff. None of you assholes know about her, by the way, and she is real. Trust me. But I am totally trying to get her to go out with me, but she's doing that whole thing like, "Oh, I can't, I have a boyfriend," and "He's from a different country," and all that bullshit. What the hell? Who cares! I don't care if she's got another guy already, that kind of crap ain't carved in stone! And I mean, what is up with dames and foreign guys, huh? What, do I have to put on some annoying, phoney accent and a freakin' fake mustache to get some action or what? Come on! Man, that's too much work! Whatever, though. I'm gonna keep trying. Maybe. Then again, some chicks ain't worth it. For all I know she could step out with me and turn out to be a real psychopath. As if goin' out with some jackass from another country ain't already a tip-off. Ugh.

That said, hey! Christmas is coming up! You chuckleheads better not expect me to decorate a Christmas tree or some fruity crap like that. Sucks that it doesn't snow around here, though. It just doesn't feel like Christmastime unless I'm throwing snowballs at people. And hey, boss lady, I read that you said something about us gettin' presents. If you got me, like, a machine gun or somethin', that'd be awesome. I could totally use one of those. I dunno. I just never had a machine gun before and I think it'd be pretty pissa.
Current Mood: grumpygrumpy
The RED Scout
12 November 2011 @ 01:16 am
So I've got a question for you, Administrator lady, since I'm sure you're reading this. What's a guy gotta do to not keel over from boredom around here? I mean, are we allowed to leave the base when we ain't battling or what? 'Cause I gotta buy me some new socks and some more cologne. I'm running out of the bottle of Hai Karate I brought with me. I'd appreciate it if I could make a frickin' run to the store or something. Or just take a break somewhere else other than a dumb ol' fake farm.

I found some of these stupid wooden cows in the back of our base. I figure they'll be perfect targets for when I practice my batting. I'll probably go out back tonight and hit a couple balls around, so if you guys hear a lot of wood cracking outside, that's gonna be me. I gotta keep drilling myself 'cause I figure if there's one thing I can always fall back on, it's baseball. Maybe when I'm done with this stint I can head back home and get myself a spot with the Red Sox. Hell, I'll probably be rich enough to just buy myself a spot on the team. I'm probably the answer to the Bambino's curse for all I know.

[private, to RED Team]

By the way, guys… if the phone rings and I'm not around, and the person on the other end says their name is Flit… don't answer it. It's just some jackass prank caller callin' me or something.

The RED Scout
20 October 2011 @ 10:13 pm
My turn to fill out one of these post things, 'cause I guess that old broad who hired us wants us to. So, what, these things are gonna be public? Okay, yeah, I'm fine with that. It's a pain in the ass to type this out on a computer that's like a billion feet taller than me. Those reels and dials keep staring at me like eyes. It's creepy. And then there's that picture of the fella who I guess built this damn thing. It's in a frame on the wall in the room they keep this hunk of junk in. What's with that guy? He looks like my Uncle Fred, except Fred just sat around drinking and sittin' on the reclina-rocker and farting all day and this guy was a genius or something and built a freakin' machine. Still, he looks like my uncle, so even if he was a genius and all he still freaks me out. Gross.

So. First days of Teufort. Can't complain. Ain't my type of scene but it should be fun to bash a coupla heads around here. Especially down at the BLU base. All that blood's gonna look awesome splattered against those pansy ass blue walls. 'Sall I gotta say. I'd make it more poetic sounding but that just isn't my style. I'm no Shakespearicles.

Don't really miss nobody, either. Thought I would, but… well, I kind of miss being so close to Fenway. And I mean, I miss my ma. And my bros, 'cause I bet they're back in Boston all weeping and crying and crap over me leaving . I was pretty much their hero, I don't know what they're gonna do without me making their lives better and all. And most of all, oh geez, I miss my fifty girlfriends. Yeah, I got fifty of 'em. I've got more than fifty if you count all of my "penpals" from around the world and shit. And they're all so hot.

Whatever, I'm through with writin' out this thing. I hope I get to write about all of the chucklehead's asses I kick soon.

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